Hey there.
Yeah you.
I hear you’re the sort who is always looking for rare opportunties. Someone interested in self improvement. The kind of person who is ready to skip the bullshit and get to what matters. So let’s start with the most important.
I promise to be as honest with you as I possibly can be and you can always leave whenever you’ve had enough, no questions asked. Respect is given to everyone except me. I have to earn that.
I know. That’s one hell of a promise. I have to make it though. It’s in the rules of engagement.
I think you would all make great additions to our little company. In fact, we need you. Still want to dicker over terms? I would.
But consider that my half of our first agreement, the agreement we build all the others on.
Why am I laughing? Because I just won a bottle of brandy from the boys. I told you guys I can pick ’em. You’re right kid, I did say “as I possibly can be.” I like the smart ones. But don’t get too lawyerly on me, I have to say that, because I have to be as honest as I possibly can be.
No, I’m not trying to pull a fast one on you. Let me put it this way, everyone here is going to be honest to you in the purest way we can, meaning that we’re not perfect. One hundred percent honesty one hundred percent of the time is neither humanly achievable nor desirable. So that’s why I say possibly. No tricks up our sleeve. No evil allowed.
See? Just being honest.
What do I want from you in return? Well, since this is going to be a mostly one way conversation, I can’t really ask for you to be just as honest to me; besides, that wouldn’t be nearly as much fun. No, I want something difficult. Something that will start you on the path heroic.
If you want to get your share of the aforementioned riches, glory, etc, etc than here’s what you have to do:
You have to be honest with yourself.
That’s right, I know you’re only human; it’s the same deal. You have to promise to be as honest with yourself as you can possibly muster.
I know it sounds corny. It’s in the rules of engagement though and we can’t go any further if we can’t start there. It sounds easy. A pretty smart fella once said that the first thing you must not do is fool yourself – and you’re the easiest person to fool.
Sure, I’ll give you time to think about it. It’s not like I’m going anywhere. Take all the time you need.
Alright. I see you decided to stick around. Congratulations. You’ve taken the necessary first step. Now hold on a second, I have to take care of some business.
To all you sorry bastards sticking around knowing full well you’re not going to keep your end of the bargain:
Fuck off. No really. Go soak your head. Get out of here. We have no need of you.
Don’t like it? Ok, here’s some free honesty for you even though you haven’t earned it: If you can’t try and be as honest to yourself as you can possibly be, then most of what we do here will be meaningless to you. We can’t make you leave but I suspect you may of your own accord. Management here at heroic endeavors neither ask for nor expect perfection. We do demand the effort.
Ok, that ought to scare off the easiest ones who can be scared off. What’s that? If you’re old enough to join our band than a swear word here and there is part of the company you’ll keep. You’re going to need a stiff spine, buck up.
Which brings me to the next thing. I see we have a number of women. That means I have to say this: The Captain in charge is a guy. Always has been. He’s a product of his environment and therefore prone to a certain blindness. What does that mean? For one, it’s why I sound the way I do. But I’m just the recruiter. Don’t worry, the guy in charge is the one who made the engagement rules. There’s a very good reason our first agreement is the way it is. You’ll see. He’s always trying to see things from a female perspective – but he is still learning. Forgive him, for his formative years took place in the 20th century. Cap insists every effort at equality be made here. In fact, more than half the members of the inner council are women and their advice and wisdom always impresses.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. What’s left? Ah yes. I also see there’s a number of old timers among us. Welcome. We don’t turn away anyone here at the company who is willing to make the effort. That said, we’re primarily looking for younger folk. Now, it isn’t because we believe that ancient saw about old dogs and new tricks. In fact, I personally think that saying was invented by an old dog and is kept in currency by all us other old dogs. There is great advantage in being underestimated.
That said, the training regimen here is brutal. It requires flexibility. Some of you are just too stiff. You’ve been looking at the horizon so long you’ve got a permanent squint, the kind that limits your peripheral vision. We need the clear eyed, the fleet of foot, and those willing to slay a monster or two. If you think you can keep up….
Outstanding.
Just one more thing before I send you to the camp. We are not like the army here. You always have the freedom to argue. We want you to argue. You’re free to leave anytime. We don’t want anyone here that is forced to be here. Compulsion breeds resentment and we have no time for that emotion between us. Argument can be just another way to keep your promise. We encourage that here. If you do decide to leave our company, we hope you will stick with the promise you just made.
That’s it. You’re in. Provisionally.
Now grab your shit and follow the footpath until you see camp. Don’t worry, it’s just ahead. Maybe I’ll see you later kid.
Good luck.